Resolution or intention? Let’s do both!
We’re a few days before the end of 2020 (edited for this year).
It’s a great time for me to share a tool for successful goal making. It has been working really well for me last year. Whether we’re rocking these new year resolutions or need to make some adjustments, it’s a good time to look back and make sure we’re on the right track for the rest of the year.
I hope you find my tool useful and effective to help you with your goals!
In order to transform a desire to concrete actions, we need a strategy. The first step of the strategy is to come up with an ambitious and achievable plan with goals against which we can measure results. In other words, we need a road-map to go to the desired destination.
I know it may sound very decisive and intimidating, especially if you don’t know where you want to go yet or don’t like to plan. Do not worry this article is here to help figure things out no matter where you are in the spectrum of knowing your path. Life is a journey and like Ram Dass used to say “we all just walk each other home”. I hope this article brings us all one step closer to home!
The tool I am presenting shows how to use intention setting and resolution making together for the best results in terms of creating the change we want to see in our lives. Here’s how it is articulated:
A. My thought process coming up with the tool.
B. The method to set intentions and make resolutions.
C. Resolution vs intention table (*).
D. Personal case study
A. My thought process: coming up with the method
For years I have been making resolutions for the New Year. Most of them didn’t stick around for too long. Years after years I was doing the same, making resolutions and not following through. I love the quote attributed to Einstein about the definition of insanity: “doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”. I don’t see anything wrong in being insane but it doesn’t help to make changes.
So I started to question the resolution-making process.
Hypothesis 1:
Making resolutions is necessary but my resolutions aren’t realistic. I have a fallacy about the way I see myself. What I believe I can do isn’t matching reality. That sounded like a good hypothesis. The challenge there is to find the right balance between unrealistic goals and underwhelming ones.
This fine-tuning exercise is fastidious and entails a large number of trials and errors to adjust. You can easily spend more time working on the process than making it happen. This couldn’t be the solution.
So I jumped to hypothesis number 2.
Hypothesis 2:
Resolution making does not work it’s a waste of time trying to make them. Instead, I told myself I’d rather constantly be changing and adapting to the situation. I need to learn to be in the “now” and not escaping by planning the future.
Also, I believe that a major component of happiness resides in being happy with what we have. Rather than trying to get something, I don’t currently have to be happier I’d rather accept what I have now and be happy with it. If I need change with this attitude it will come by itself.
I tried that but it didn’t work quite well. It seemed like the changes weren’t happening, I was increasing my acceptance of myself which isn’t too bad but not creating my reality. I stayed with that acceptance for a while, ready to give up on making resolutions. Until one day I attended a Wisdom2.0 meet-up.
The meet-up was about setting intentions for the New Year. I noticed right away that they were talking about intentions and not resolutions. This was the piece I was missing! Intentions! I loved it.
Hypothesis 3:
Resolutions don’t work for me. Intentions are the path to accomplishment.
That sounded amazing. I finally found a way to reconcile my desire to grow with my reluctance to get into the resolution process! Intentions … oh intention. Such a beautiful word, so gentle and sweet yet motivating and inspiring. It’s so exciting, let’s set intentions.
The beauty with intentions is that you don’t really need to learn the process to adjust them to your reality. When you set an intention you implicitly accept that you don’t know how you can make it happen and whatever the result is, it’s OK.
More than that, when some of the intentions you set do come to fruition it feels like magic. For instance, during that workshop, I set many intentions. Particularly in 3 major areas of my life without any idea on how to plan for them.
- I wanted a new living situation.
- Getting out of a toxic relationship.
- Boost my career.
These desired changes are hard to plan for. There are so many variables and moving pieces. It requires so much computing power to even think about all the scenarios. Add to that the emotional stress coming from each possibility. You have a recipe for frustration and inaction.
Yet it doesn’t cost much stress to set an intention. You basically say I have no idea how, I don’t even want to start thinking about it but here’s what I identified as areas of change for me this year.
Crazy as this sounds, all of these major areas of my life have changed in the 9 months following me setting these intentions. And beyond these 3 major areas, I had other intentions and they all came to being realized.
What’s going on here? Is there some sort of subconscious superpower that starts to solve massive problems in the background? Is it possible that all we need is to define a problem to solve (set an intention), remove ourselves from actively trying to solve it and this supercomputer starts to do its work? Is subconscious the universe itself? Besides these fascinating questions, the problem remains. You can’t just remove all planning by intention settings. You can set an intention to get in shape if you don’t hit the gym it won’t happen.
Damn. I thought I found the ultimate answer, that I could set intentions and make everything happen without planning. That would be too easy.
So here comes another hypothesis that unifies it all.
Hypothesis 4:
Intentions and resolutions work together hand in hand. Each serves different purposes that complement each other in the process of change and achievement of self-betterment.
Here’s how:
An intention is a direction that you want to go toward. It’s like a vision statement for yourself. The intention states where to go without knowing yet how to get there.
A resolution is an actionable item that can be planned. You decided on a goal and create a plan to achieve it. You do this by breaking down each step to get there into simple actionable steps. So you make a resolution to act on these steps.
In order to successfully implement the resolution, the object of resolution needs to be broken down into clear and simple steps.
It has to be clear because you can’t leave space for doubts or questions. The mind will seize every opportunity to bring excuses and not let you do the work.
It has to be simple because when you get down to action you can’t involve a thinking part.
Note that simple does not mean easy. It can be simple yet extremely hard.
Simple is opposed to complex.
Complex is a system that has many different interconnected parts. You have to breakdown your action into simple steps.
For each simple step, you can make a resolution.
From here on the method follows naturally.
B. The method: set goals, divide them between intentions and resolutions:
If you want to create some long-lasting changes and start to have better habits this year, do the following:
- Set intentions
a. Pick up to 3 areas of your life you want to change (relationship, work, lifestyle, health, quitting bad habits, etc.…). In order to do so, you may ask yourself few questions and meditate on them. Don’t jump to the first answer that comes to mind, let it come to you.
Examples of questions you can ask yourself or a friend (it’s better and more fun to do it with someone):
- What do I want to change from last year?
- What makes me unhappy?
- How do I see myself in 6 months or 1 year from now?
b. Make sure you’re mentally prepared and ready to change in these areas even if you don’t know-how.
It is not always easy to know if we’re ready or not. You need to check in with yourself. Some good indicators that you’re ready can be:
- You have been thinking about changing it for a long time
- You may even have tried already multiple times to change.
- It gives you the anxiety to think about it.
- You get jealous of people in your surrounding who succeeded to do the things you think you want to do.
c. Once you selected these areas, set intentions, and fully accept that you don’t know how to make it happen and let go of the desire to control. Every time this desire comes back it will lead to stress, bring yourself back to letting go and accepting once again that you don’t know, trust the process.
2. Make resolutions.
a. Chose an area of your life in which the next step to get closer to your goal of change is simple. This is neither an easy nor simple task to find that step. You need to break down whichever step you’re thinking about to an immediately actionable item.
b. How to make sure the step is simple?
A good way to do so is to ask yourself:
- What do I need to do next?
- If the answer is a clear simple one, you got your step.
- If not, break your answer again into smaller steps.
- Keep asking until the answer is only one thing to do.
c. Remove all possibilities for interpretation. Remove all possibilities for choice. You need to not have to think about it at all. Beware this step is different for every person and different along the way for your own self. The example below will clarify this important point.
d. Example of a simple step.
- I will take a walk around the park next to my office on Mondays after work. This is clear, precise, and simple. It may be hard but it’s simple.
- I will go to the gym in my office building on Tuesdays after work. This isn’t simple for someone who doesn’t go to the gym. The reason is that when I get to the gym I won’t know what to do. Lifting weights or cardio? Class or solo? Unless I have a trainer that tells me what to do this is complex it has too many variables and potential for choice.
- I’m an experienced gym member and I say I will go to the gym on Tuesdays is simple. Because I actually mean: on Tuesday I will do cardio for 20 min on a bike to warm up, then I’ll work on my upper body for 15 min lifting weight deadlifting style.
- So really find for yourself what’s simple for you, be as precise as possible, and don’t hesitate to get help.
d. When you have your resolutions ready, just do them. Accountability is an important component; find a friend, a colleague, and a professional to be with you in the process. Having a clear plan is only the beginning.
3. Be patient and find joy in the process.
Change is hard I think I have said that enough by now! We only have a limited amount of willpower and we need to find ways to keep at it. Finding joy and pleasure in the process help.
Also as we go through emotional roller coasters, when we feel like we fail in everything or when we feel like we’re the best at everything, we need to ground ourselves back.
A good way to do so is to identify areas that we’re not ready to change yet.
These are your anchors to go back to, part of your old self. It’s neither healthy nor easy to go too far out of your self, be patient let yourself grow, let “the change” change you!
C. The intention vs resolution table
Here’s a (*) table that categorizes what belongs to the realm of intentions and what belongs to the realm of resolutions, it will help decide in which category what we want to make happen falls.
D. Case study — weight lost.
In December 2017, a year and a half after I quit smoking I went up to 220lbs. It was the highest I had ever been on a scale. It didn’t feel good. I felt heavy, my breath was short, my cloth was starting to be tight. I usually maintain myself around 200lbs this extra 20lbs were bothering me.
I had let myself going there to compensate for smoking but I didn’t expect this extra weight to stay on for so long. I figured after 6 months I’d regulate myself again. I tried but I couldn’t. So I started to exercise but still, I had no improvements.
What was happening? Was it aging? I have always had a fast metabolism and despite me eating a lot of food I would not really be gaining too much weight. I was pretty much stabilized for the past 15 years of my life between 195 -203 lbs. I’m 6’3 so I was on the BMI scale at the limit of overweight, slightly under. I used to be able if I was getting close to 203 to regulate myself back within a week or 2 of eating and drinking less. But now I just couldn’t. No matter what I was trying.
I was very frustrated. On top of that, I was going through a very difficult time all around.
Ok so we’re December 2017, I look at myself and I don’t like where I’m at. 2018 is coming up and I want to do something about it, I want to feel better. The area I want to work on the most is my weight.
Can I make a resolution to go to the gym and eat healthy starting in January 2018?
Sure I can try but I know the results will certainly be a failure. Here’s why:
For the last 15+ years I have had:
- Bad eating and drinking habits.
- I have not worked out consistently.
- And my social life involves being out at dinners, having drinks most of the nights.
How can I possibly believe that I can just decide to change all that overnight?
And yet a voice within tells me to just decide to make all these changes and just do it! Just do it… Yes, that’s a brilliant message but no one ever tells us that in order to just do it you need to prep for it. You need to have an idea, a clear action plan on what to “just do”!
I didn’t have such a clear understanding of intention and resolution at that time but I had some ideas. I started to set an intention:
I wanted to feel better in my body.
Ok, then I started to break it down to simpler actionable items.
My weight was too high I needed to bring it down to below 200lbs. My body was tired I needed more exercise.
I figured I would replace once a week one of y daily walk with a run. I will drink only water and I will eat smaller quantities of food.
I tried to do that for a few months and I had some results at the beginning. I was very happy but I got stuck around 205lbs and couldn’t make progress from there. This is when resolutions can lead to frustration.
I made a decision, to let go of my ego and belief that I can do everything by myself and I admitted that I needed help. Few moments after this decision a friend of mine posted on FB something about personal training. Perfect timing I reached out to her and enrolled myself into her 12 weeks program. She had just finished a Tony Robbins training and had all these amazing techniques to share. We set together intentions. We decided on goals to achieve based on my intentions. And we created a plan with accountability, weekly follow-ups, and a clear program.
Intentions:
- Feeling better in my body,
Goals:
- Loose 10 lbs,
- Work out every day to build muscles
Resolution:
- Download “my trainer” app
- Go to the gym 30 min every morning and follow the program on my app.
- Follow the diet menu from the app.
Accountability:
- Weekly call to discuss major blocks, successes, and improvements.
- Daily check-in to make sure that the work is done with or without motivation.
Adaptability:
- Plan slowly evolves as I get fitter and as I start to create new habits.
What I had done essentially with the help of my trainer was to break down the steps to achieve my goal into simple achievable steps. I had the support to get ready to just do them. This was the resolution part. The global vision to feel better in my body was set as an intention! I really think this model can work in many areas of life and I’m applying it with success to professional goals, other health and wellness-related goals, relationship goals, and more!
To finish, I would add that if change was a destination, we would be all on the same boat trying to get there and we’re better together than separate. So reach out, share your thoughts, and share the techniques if you feel that it can help some of your friends!
Happy New Year!
